It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
