Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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