im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
