Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
