TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
