You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
