he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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