Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is Oprah even human
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
