the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
