Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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