we're chasing vodka with high fives
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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