Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
