The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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