I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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