I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
