On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
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Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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