he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
