Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
