I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
