the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
