is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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