Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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