No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
zippers are such a cool invention
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
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