i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
