remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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