He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
