nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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