Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
