Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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