You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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