areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
