yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
