I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
