Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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