6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
