he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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