no, he came in my armpit
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
