I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
