ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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