I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
