I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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