Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
