I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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