i just wanna soil my oats bro
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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