everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Holy shit dude........stairs
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
