she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
