we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
