Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
try to milk me bitch
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