I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize