just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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