upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
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Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I didn't notice because vodka
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
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Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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