I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
