her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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