I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
