i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
