Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize