Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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