You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
