Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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