If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
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They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
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How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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