She's JV to your varsity
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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