She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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