It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
