I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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