I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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