We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
